I've just finished the last paper of my undergraduate career:


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish a drink was in order for this accomplishment...still have to study for Civil Rights. However, this week...hehe.

a big THANKS! to everyone who's been posting comments via Myspace & thefacebook/leaving me voice & text messages for my birthday. You guys rock! it's making writing this stupid paper and overall anxiety about being done with college in 24 hours more bearable.

oxoxoxoxo squared!

I'm 23 years old today. I don't feel very different.

I have hunger pains despite the fact I ate eggs benedict for my bday breakfast.

I'm working on the comp feminism paper which I've decided is only going to be 12 pages long.

I have a new picture up.

I done drunk too much last night!

PS: I heart the new Target on Stelton, seeing old friends, reminiscing, Marilou and Reeta DRUNK!, bethfacekillah4eva, smoking on the stoop at 4am, and you, of course.

It didn't occur to me that I disabled comments, so everyone's free to comment! Do it!

updates and observations in the comp lab:

• I'm almost done with my paper! I think I will leave in a few though, so I can get some studying in for myth, but yay!
• Like an hour ago, these 3 guys came into the comp lab and sang 'Earth Angel' to some girl. I'm sure she was embaressed, but it was kind of cute. I wonder if the singers were sent willingly....
• One of the dudes sitting next to me looked like Corey Feldman.
• The current dude sitting next to me REEKS of bad cologne. it's giving me a headache. Can they remove people on that basis?
• There are a Lot of people waiting for computers. Like fifteen. Sucks to be them.

back at the computer lab. I'm going to miss this lab once I graduate. Where else can I print google image search finds at no cost (well for the most part)? yeah. but I'm in the homestretch, this time next week...done with college!

I'm working on my HIV/AIDS seminar paper. I'm pretty excited because I outlined the first part really well. Go me. Tomorrow I have to start my other paper (the 15 page doozie) so I can somewhat enjoy myself this weekend.

Tomorrow is also senior euologies for APO. I think I might cry. Basically, all the seniors in the frat talk about their experiences and stuff. I have a fair amount to say. I ran into another brother (we call each other brother regardless of gender) and she hasn't been around lately, and I asked her if she was going and she said that she had a lot of things to say-couldn't tell if it was going to be all posi. Should be interesting. Last night I went out with APO people after initiations. I went because my little Reeta's little Ajanta (hence my grandlittle) was crossing over and I wanted to see the paddle she made and how her letters came out- I had gone with Reeta to help order them. The paddle was super cute- non traditional, a box and inside it was like a scrapbook- pictures, charms, stickers, and a message for Reeta, very sweet. When we all went out I hung out with them, Marilou (my other little) and Denny; they are among my favorites. I really enjoyed hanging out with them, taking pictures, talking, etc. I had a good conversation with Marilou, who I haven't talked to much at all, so it was nice to hang out. I really do love those good friends I made while in APO. For the lack of better words, it's really nice.

I would have started my paper earlier but I ran into some Radigals and there was a semi-show in front of Brower. I hung out for a couple of songs and ran into some other people from the activist scene and stuff. It was nice. The music was really loud, though. I guess that shows how old I'm getting. The band was super cute, one of the girls was from New Brunswick. Fun stuff. They're name is Rizomatic (sp?) and they sounded okay, the lo-fi kind of fun.

I found out about this a week or so ago. I'm so excited!


http://makezine.com/craft/

hummers are stupid.

some soccer-mom-bitch almost flattened me with her gigantic H2 today while she was (loudly) talking to her kids on her cell phone. In hommage to the Kris Drysch comic strip, Liquid Kids, one of my favorites in the Rutgers Targum, maybe this 'Kewl Mom's car will blow up.

• Hummers take up space, waste gas
• Are an eyesore
• Just make you look like you're going to enter blitzkreig with Rommel but you're not because you're driving your stupid YELLOW hummer through the streets of New Brunswick.

weekend shmeekend

so I didn't do anything very interesting this weekend. I planned on doing some work, but I slacked off yesterday and watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire instead at my parents' house while I did some laundry. I love HP so much, it's a bit embaressing. I also feel slightly dirty watching it, because Dan. Radcliffe is totally hotness. He is also 16.

Today was work and we got out fairly early. I'm now printing out stuff to work on my presentation with. I am going to finish that tonight. Tomorrow starts the beginning of the end. I have lots to do (i'm sure you, the reader, are sick of hearing that, as most of my posts are about how much work I have to do) so I'm sure I'll be in the comp lab lots, updating this instead of doing constructive thinking. But I work well under pressure. I'm sure there will be plenty of late nights.

I did get off for my birthday (!) so hopefully the gary will stay over and we can go get pancakes sunday morning. Other than that I will be studying for my exam and doing last minute work, so it won't be an interesting day. But the next weekend (or prob the week after) I will be celebrating the end of college and turning 23.

My nails are absolute shit and will be going down the same path for the rest of the week. I can't wait to be a priss and get a pedi/mani on may 2nd (before my APO banquet). I took another book from the unedited proofs shelf at work, Suite Francais by Irene Nemirovsky , which has been talked about abunch because they finally published the complete 5 story cycle. The author was sent to Auschwitz and the stories are about France pre-during WWII. Sounds interesting. I am also on a quest to figure out the entire works of Emile Zola, well the Marquet-something cycle. I really hope I don't end up buying all his stuff and then being disappointed/bored. I doubt it. I really enjoyed Ladies Paradise, which is surprising because I don't usually like Victorian lit.

I'm dreaming of the crafting that will be done after college. It's very pretty!

Fridays.

It's nice not having work on Fridays. Granted, I should be working on stuff for school, and that's why I took a couple of Fridays off, but today I haven't really done anything. Oh well. I was planning to go to the library, but I can do that tomorrow. Yesterday I was feeling the illest I have felt the whole week so I slept for four hours and lounge around the house until I felt better. John, Beth, and I did go for a walk later on that night for ice cream- such a nice night.

So today, I'm going to read some outside and then go home and clean myself. I feel so stank. I'm also feeling a much better. Then we have our Radigals picnic later on today. I have to go pick up pizzas. I hate having the only car in the group. Gary is also coming over tonight. I think I might by him pigs in the blanket for us to share later, because last time we went to Mike's apartment they ate all of them (see later posts). I'm excited to see him.

I left a couple of posts on my cousin's facebook about our trip to the Philippines. I'm excited to hang out with him and my other cousins. In preparation for my trip I bought the Rough Guide to the Philppines as well as a compact history of the Philippines. I hope I'm not disappointed by my purchases. I also decided I need a new backpack and some pants. I like to shop for vacations.

Lately I've been seeing a lot of commericials about this particular Pres. Reagan commemorative dime. The infommercial is pretty hilarious; the voice over talks about how 'Americans are taking to the streets to demand Pres. Reagan be on a new dime'. What bullshit! omg. If anything, if there are Americans flocking to the streets in protest (they showed pictures of people with banner and marching...seriously) for a president's face on a dime they need to be shot. Seriously. Reagan was a shitty president, his foreign policy destroyed a shitload of countries, his anti-poverty/welfare policies created more hunger, poor people, homelessness, and greater disaparity between the rich and the poor, and his wife looked like she needed to be fucking fed. #$^$%^@! I like the fact that there are probably idiots rallying around this bullshit and it saddens me that people are not rallying around better, more productive issues. I mean, I'm not going to be a hypocrite and say that I'm on the streets, fucking struggling, but at least be fucking aware. I love that I took this Civil Rights class and that I'm becoming more aware about postcolonialism, imperialism, and this machine that is unfortunately our government. Within myself, it gets confusing- part of me wants to care, and part of me want to fucking go out there with bats, flyers, papers, fists in the air and say what I have on my mind. Other times I just want to be content in my little world, listening to my ipod, typing away on a computer, sewing, crafting, consuming, etc. I guess I still have to figure out that perfect balance- if one exists.

god! my profile bar is sliding to the bottom again! is there anyway to fix this? i thought it was fixed, but then after i posted the last entry, it went to the bottom! @#$#%@!

anyway, I'm writing 2 response paper tonight. I just finished up with my last Radigals meeting (sniffles) and I also went to a graduating student leaders dinner tonight with Stephanie. I also saw Marisol, which was very nice. It was a good dinner; no long, boring keynotes, just the dude from Rutgers who won the Apprentice, who also will be our keynote for graduation. He talked for like 2 minutes because he had a flight to catch. Oh well. The cookies were delicious.

I've been so tired lately, I don't know what's up. It's probably due to my allergies and stress, but today I fell asleep for ten minutes while watching Deliverance (which I want to see the rest of) before the dinner. I want to go to sleep so badly right now. Right here, in the computer lab. The agony.

today, at the dinner, Marisol and I were talking about the Project Graduation cruise we went on back in '01 for Bloomfield High (Stephanie was talking about how Douglass senior week is having a cruise) and how all I remember was passing out with Jay on one of the lower decks, and Marisol said half of the class was on E. Haha. Do it up, class of 01, Do it Up.

your momma.

It's about 8 o'clock and I'm doing some work at the computer lab. I've decided to go to the APO (alpha phi omega; my coed fraternity I belong to) meeting today. It is the last one ever (for me) and I talked to my grandlittle Ajanta today and we had an awesome conversation. Lately I had felt somewhat disillusioned with the whole thing- a big story that's not appropriate right now. But I guess by avoiding going and being involved it was my way of doing it on my own terms; seeing people that I wanted to see genuinely, and avoiding anybody else I didn't desire too. Also, it was a way to distance myself from it- it was an important part of my college life, but it's time to move on. There'll be times when I will return as alumni, but it's almost like I had to wean myself off it. Plus, I've been super busy.

Today, my allergies started acting up in HIV/AIDS seminar. It's the only class I haven't missed, because it's double period and only once a week, but also very interesting. I enjoy the debate, but there are some people that get on my nerves in that class- what's new? hehe.

1. "UHHH" Girl: her name is Mandy and she sucks. I'm sure she's a very nice person outside the classroom, but whenever she talks she always has these long, drawn out 'uhhhs' and 'ermms' and she talks in a valley girl-ish type of voice, and about stuff that doesn't really seem to make sense, sometimes. She makes the most convoluted arguments about the simplest things. She also inserts really/somewhat obnoxious sounding 'LIKKKKKEE?!?' in her statements. ouf.
2. Miss States-the-Obvious: I don't her name, but I'm sure she's well meaning but she's one of those people in class who sets up really complicated information for something very obvious or simple. For example she'll be like , 'oh my sister's a nursing student, in trenton. she says the prisoners bite guards sometimes. she's been in school for 2 years. they give the guards a big amount of AZT and antiviral drugs'. Did we need to know that her sister is a nursing student? I mean, yes, if it was something like 'my sister, who is a nursing student, told me about an experience she had while doing her clinical'. ' there you go. I think she is smarter than she sounds, but whenever she brings up something she makes it sound really awesome, but it'll be along the lines of : "AIDS is a virus. No cure." yeah.
3. Mr. Pretencious City: he does bring up good points and stuff, but I just look at his face, and he has this half smile, 'kiss the ground I walk on, because guess what? I know it all!' smug little mug on. I saw in his backpack he was taking the class 'Teachers as Researchers' and it was printed on a class reader. Mr. Wit Master crossed out the researchers and replaced it with 'tools' as in 'Teachers as Tools'. Holy shit. That would have been funny like five years ago.

But yeah. We got our second paper back and I got a b+. The first paper I got an A, so I'm not disappointed. I went home, made lunch, and then afterwards I took an allergy pill, then preceded to pass out for two hours while 'Decoding the Davinci Code' was on History International (or National Geographic..don't remember). I'm going to miss digital cable a lot when I move back home. I think we might have Nat'l Geo. but definitely not History International. So good! they have stuff that isn't about Nazis, Hitler, and military weapons on all the time! YAY! They delve into other stuff, and heavily rotate my favorites; International Profile and Infamous Murders.

Anyway, I went back on campus and after a distraction with Rachit, Beth, and John I did some work, interviewed with Ajanta, and read some more. When talking with Ajanta we found out we had alot of similarities; we're both into fashio nand crafting/sewing. She wants to start making stuff out of Indian fabrics, which she loves, and I don't blame her. They are very pretty, brightly colored, and so viscous and flowy. We talked about going against the grain, as first generation kids in the US, doing the liberal art thing, identities, Princeton (where she's from, and where I'll be relocating to- my parents). It interrupted my reading, but worth while. I love having good conversation.

I didn't get to a lot of work, but I'm not worried about it. I printed out stuff for my presentation on Emma Goldman, which we're going to discuss tomorrow in class in our groups. I'm not really worried about that- it's supposed to be eight minutes and I'm sharing it with someone. I think I have a good amount of stuff. Also, I found out in my Civil Rights class that the essay part of the exam is going to be take home! YAY! that is so much better.

But here is my workload if you care:

• 15 page paper for Comp. Feminism
• 8-10 pg paper for HIV/AIDS (includes finding a primary source, which I haven't done yet. Oops!)
• 2 2 page response papers for Comp Feminism
• 3 page response paper for Civil Rights (finished the reading, will probably do this on Thursday)
• presentation for Women's Rights/Emma Goldman (will be done with that tomorrow most likely; also will have to work on visuals with my group and practice)
• Civil Rights final exam- i have to super study for this one.

I think that's it. It sounds like a lot, but like I said, looking at it now, I'm not too worried.

I'm itching for some food, so I'm going to go to the ABP because I have a craving for cinnamon scones and some sort of soup or sandwich. Fun.

so yeah, it's monday and for the next two weeks I'll be tied down to some apparatus (maybe my bed, if I get lazy) reading, writing, and doing the hardcore college countdown dance. At least at the end of all of this, I can say I'm done and wash my hands of academia for at least another year.

Yesterday was easter, and I had work. So many people were in the store. I really wished people would take these opportunities to spend time outside, or at least go buy the books you keep pulling off the shelf, buy them, and go read them in the park. I guess just seeing so many people in a place of commerce on a holiday is upsetting; I mean I respect people who don't celebrate these holidays, but i remember back in the day, my friends who weren't christian would spend those days with families, and hang out and stuff. Maybe our world is becoming soo isolated; that's why there's a need for these self-help books and bullshit. Maybe people just don't know where to go anymore. I guess I can understand families coming to b&n; maybe they don't know if the library is opened, or even know about it at all. But , I guess to sum up yesterday; it sucked. Plus, a lot of people were super bitchy, and I was ready to punch someone in the nose. What's new. We did have a potluck at work, and there was lots of yummy food. Everyone loved my chana masala.

I swung by my relatives place after work. I got to see my little cousin Miles, who's about 2 months old. So fucking cute. holy shit. I also saw briefly, my three cousins from new york, te three brats as I call them. I wished I could have seen them a little longer, though. I ate more there.

I fell asleep at midnight and I couldn't get out of bed until 930 today. boo to me. Well, I should go read and get to work.

spicy mouths...saucy glasses.

I got new glasses today. I'm really excited, I haven't gottena new pair in four years. It is my parent's birthday gift; I went all out and got some PRADA mother-fuckin' glasses. Go me. I usually wouldn't elect getting such fancy glasses, but I had a coupon, and yes, it's another indicator of me becoming an adult; fancy glasses. I look like a gallery owner.

I just cooked up a bunch of my signature dish; chana masala for work's easter pot luck tomorrow. I hope it's not too spicy for my co-workers. Karen at work is making deviled eggs. I'm so excited. Once, I ate ten in one sitting. Imagine if I did that everyday? Oh, shit.

Yesterday, work was dumb. So many people I forgot it was Good Friday. I kept on muttering that Jesus died for your sins in order for you to trash the store. Hmpf. It was super busy. I went out with Gary afterwards, though, and that was nice. I love seeing him (obviously) and last night was fun. We went to Wildflowers with Scott, Heather, and Clark. That was fun too. Afterwards there was a lot of cuddling and you know, other stuff. (Winkie-Wink)

Tonight I'm going to Bloomfieldto hang out, Stephanie is home for the holiday. Everyone was supposed to come down to the Bruns, but I kind of wanted to get out of here, seeing that for the next two weeks, I will be confined to the apartment, campus, and computer lab. Plus, I haven't been up there in a while. I just hope i don't run into anyone, hehe.

it's too nice to do technological things...

It is beautiful outside! Today i've been so happy, mainly because of the beautiful weather. I finished a Greek and Roman Myth exam about an hour ago. I think I aced it. I particularly enjoyed the section we were studying: heroic myth. My favorite myths are the stories preceding the Trojan War; the house of Pelops in the Peloponeus. So much treachery, so much fun!

I am exhausted though, and I've had a little bit of allergy act-up today. Home is boring though, I think I might go read outside for a little bit or call John to go get dinner; I owe him one- he is constantly feeding me via Brower take out subs and the like. It's so nice to have good friends; especially those who bear food.

So, after this weekend, it's the home stretch (insert gunshot or trumpet blast). I made out the schedule of all the stuff I have to do; the papers, exams to study for, general bladdity-blah-blah. I'm not too worried about it- I do have time, and the weather is nice so I can't complain about not wanting to leave the house or anything. Wish me luck! i'm planning a pedicure/manicure/ and haircut after I'm done, as well as various events celebrating my graduation aka drinking 40s in my cap and gown. Pictures will be taken, don't worry.

I went to the 'senior salute' street fair they had today. I checked out the senior week stuff, but I don't think i'll be going to any. I do want to go to Medieval Times because a. it is awesome b. you eat with your hands and c. its so much cooler than Rennaissance Fairs. I don't if anyone will want to come with me/or if I can invite anybody else who's not a Rutgers College senior. We'll see. I did enter that drawing and one for AC and Avenue Q. It would be cool if I won.

I got a sweet business card carrying case today, though. It's part of the initiatory package you recieve as you pass into the adult world. Plus pamplhets: How to Get Along with Your Parents After College and You're Adult...Now What? Splendid.

I'm also in the process of asking profs to write recommendation letters. I don't know how to go about this, but I did get one of my instructors who i'm pretty cool with to do so. Preparation for the future rules!

Well, it's time to enjoy the remaining sunlight. I hope you enjoy it too!

Weekend warrior.

This past weekend was lovely. I got to see a lot of friends I hadn't seen in a while. After my post on Friday I bought myself some new jeans at Target, Brokeback Mountain, and Chronicles of Narnia on DVD and went to my parents' house. My mom had bought a Crave Case from White Castle, and my brother ate most of it, and usually I don't eat meat, but I was too lazy to go out or cook anything (it was rainy) so I ate four. I also made mini cupcakes for Erica's birthday and to bring to Mike's on Saturday. Mini Cupcakes are the devil. I ate about five of them; they're so tiny, you can't eat just one. Awful.

Later on that night I watched Chronicles of Narnia and then unpacked everything in my room. It's rather clean; Gary commented on that on Saturday. I guess because everything I didn't need was sent home to Princeton, and I organized really well. I went to sleep rather late, even though I was exhausted.

Saturday, I slept in and called up my friend Lillie. She lives about twenty minutes away from the Bruns, but I never get to see her. We're busy folks. I went over, and saw her sister and brother-in-law (who she lives with) and their two kids, the twins Katina and Marcus. So CUTE. omg. They're about nine months. This was the first time I saw them since they were just born. I think. It is possible that it was the first time I met them too. Megha also stopped by before her (direct quote) "occultish engagement ceremony" for one of her family's friends. It was nice to see her. I caught up with Lillie and we talked about Bloomfield folk; ie my exboyfriend from back in that day and how weird he is, old friend LJ who I haven't seen since his grad. party last spring. I wish I had more time to talk to Megha, I miss her a lot even though I don't act like it. I owe her a letter.

Gary came over after I came home from Lillie's. We went up to visit Mike, who moved into his own place in Hoboken. Getting there was a trip, as Hoboken is just a bunch of one way streets, tightly packed with cars. Parking was impossible, so after Judi (who was driving around for a spot) told us we were parked in a 'loading' area, I got paranoid. So we went to a garage, but in there Gary noticed one of my tires was getting low, so we paid 8 bucks to park for 12 minutes, and went to the only gas station in Hoboken; the Hess and BP one right after you get off the road from 495. That took a half an hour bc of the night traffic, one way streets. Blah. We filled the tire up and proceded to drive back. At first we didn't know what to do, and I got super frustrated with the situation bc it had taken us so long to get to Hoboken, and I really wanted to see Mike, Judi, and Carin; who I haven't seen since February. The drive back to Mike's was another 20 minutes, along with parking. But, we got back, parking in the garage again. We spent the rest of the night (not too late, because I had to open at the store on Sunday and mike had to go into the office) watching food network and eating mini foods; the cupcakes, mini tacos, pizza bagels, and canolis. Unfortunately for me and Gary, the trio had eaten all the pigs in the blankets by the time we got back from our flat tire journey. Dammit. Gary and I had watched an hour block on the food network before leaving for Hoboken about hot dogs. Mmmm.

Leaving Hoboken was frustrating as well. I drove Judi out to her car bc she parked several blocks away, and with the one-way streets we ended up having to go all the way out in the opposite direction and then back towards 495/route 3/turnpike. Hoboken is now the LABYRINTH. NExt time I go visit Mike I'm taking the train.

I also punched the ticket machine in the parking garage after it didn't give me back my ticket/process my credit card. I'm worried that it did process it and I'm going to get 8 charges for 10 bucks on my next statement. I will cry.

Sunday was uneventful; I worked all day, saw Ashley Marty, one of my friends from work who I hadn't seen a long time. We had cigarettes. I went home, bought groceries, and ended up talking with Beth for a couple of hours. We also attempted to read for an hour or so until we decided we were too tired. I think everyone, well except for Susie turned in super early last night.

I can't believe it's the tenth already. Beth and I agreed to go on late night computer lab dates. I have to start doing work for finals...tomorrow. The end nears!

Displacement is so, like NOT COOL! omg.

(this is red because I was ANGRY!)

I live illegally in in the attic of my apartment. It's finished and everything, and besides the whole no heat detraction, the place is pretty nice. It's bigger than my room at my parents, where I will have to move back to, I have two closets, crawlspace galore, wicked dark wood paneled walls, an awesome carpet that is brown with orange dots (very mod), and seclusion when needed. All my craft supplies fit there, along with my extensive wardrobe, cd and dvd collection, and general crap. I love it.

However, I am temporarily-for the day- displaced, as I had to pack up my life basically for the day because the fire inspector is coming. When I found out about this, I wanted to punch out my landlord. There is no such thing as a legit landlord in New Brunswick, its pretty sad. I think it's sadder, bc there are a lot of 'regular' non-students that live in New Brunswick, and if they are renting from one of these slumlords, it's not for the timespan of a couple of years or months, but perhaps an entire lifetime or so. I wonder how they put up with the shitty housing situation. I'm sure there's some sort of oasis in New Brunswick where doors remain on hinges and there aren't holes in the floor or walls.

I packed up everything in shopping bags and small boxes and left them there for his 'movers' to move. I feel sorry for these guys. Susie (my mate in the attic, in the next room) made everything heavy on purpose. I kind of got really mad at her for a half second. Eugene (the landlord) wasn't going to be the one moving the stuff, but it's whoever he hired. I wanted to tell her to make them not so heavy; I'm sure those guys don't want to be there. Granted, we can argue, well they're getting paid, but I don't think making bags and boxes heavy out of spite is really something they need. They're two guys who look pretty strong/handy. Eugene is also having them fix shit around the apt. Finally. Our bathroom door has been rotting off the hinges since winterbreak. It's April. AWESOME.

I put all my underwear in one bag and put it in my car, because I didn't want the mover guys to see it. Susie and I also placed other belongings all over the house; in Emily's office, Beth and Erica's room. I was able to pack up everything in several hours, but in a sloppy fashion; I'm cringing as I think of all my clothes wrinkling into cotton-blend messes. I hate ironing.

But looking at my room all empty, with my mattress on the floor surrounded by shopping bags and boxes made me sad. They're moving in our stuff later on today in the afternoon, immediately after the fire inspector comes. Plus, if the F.I. says there are people living in the attic, Eugene assured me that he has 60 days to fight it or something, but by that time we'll be out of the house and he'll just get it inspected before the new tenants move in. Awesome for them.

I guess the sadness came out of several factors...the fact that I'll have to use up another half a day to unpack all my stuff and the question of 'is it worth it?' because I'll be moving out in about a month and a 1/2 anyway. Also, the idea of maybe not bringing out my pictures, putting my craft supplies away, and leaving the books in a bag. I don't like the idea of being 'in-between'. When I lived at my parents house over the summer, half of my stuff was in New Brunswick, the other half in Princeton, in boxex because I was too lazy. That summer sort of sucked, I didn't really do anything. It's not that I'm so attached to my things, I mean I like them, that's why I have them...some are sentimental, others essential, and the rest functional. For example, my crafty stuff: even though I will be too busy with school for the rest of april, I can enjoy them in May, and just looking at them keeps me inspired and creative...like within those plastic boxes there is potential for some cute shit to be made.

I think most importantly, feeling displaced makes me lonely. I don't like the idea of no pictures or anything around that describes me or reminds me of other people. Even something like a movie reminds me of other people, and if I'm alone in the apartment, it's nice to have some other noise going on besides my own breath.

Well, I guess I know what tonight's plans are. I found 7 lighters and 4 tubes of chap stick. The latter would come in pretty handy right now, as I feel gross when my lips are chapped, but of course, I didn't bring any. Figures.

Who says I can't be greedy?

So, I'm turning 23 in about 24 days, as well as going bald because I'm probably going to pull out all my hair in anger/stress during those last two weeks of April. It is an unappealing age to turn, 23. I'm losing health insurance, I can't rent a car yet, and no free tee shirts at the New Brunswick bars. However, as I have just finished my Comp. Feminism presentation, I'm going to be a consumption whore and state my birthday wish list:

books!
-Tease! Inspired Tee-Shirt Transformations, featuring Todd Oldham, Debbie Stoller, and *Amy Sedaris*
-The Craftster's Guide to Nifty, Thrifty, and Kitschy Crafts by Leah Kramer
-Jimmy Corrigan: The Smartest Kid on Earth by Chris Ware
-Blankets by Craig Thomsen
-32 Stories by Adrian Tomine
-The Poloroid Book by Barbara Hitchcock

crafties and shit!
-fabrics from http://www.jandofabrics.com and http://www.reprodepot.com
-rotary cutter and mat
-Kenmore Mini ultra (too bad it doesn't have a zipperfoot attachment, but it's pink and I want 2 sewing machines!)
http://www.sears.com/sr/javasr/product.do?BV_UseBVCookie=Yes&vertical=APPL&pid=02011506000&cat=Sewing+Machines+%2

etc!
-Polaroid Camera and lots of film
-24 count mini cupcake tray
-cute stuff from Fred Flare!
-new headphones (not earbud ones. i'm going deaf)
-sigor ros cds (except for ( ) )

dream gifts!
-PowerBook G4
-a new car!

okay, time to go home.

I have a presentation in my Comparative Feminism class tomorrow, and for the life of me, I cannot get through the article I have to present. I started reading it last night, and then I had a welcomed distraction in the form of friends; Bryan, Brian, Jim, and Doris were in the area and me and Emily hung out with them for a little bit. Returned to the article today, and in the gaps in between classes I haven't finished it yet. My partner who is to present with me sent me her presentation, and she basically just cut and pasted relevant/irrelevant parts of her section and asked the same questions that the author asks. How frustrating is that? I sent her back a response and told her (nicely) that she has to put it in her own words and provide her own examples and questions. I also emailed my instructor about my own questions and she hasn't gotten back to me yet. I don't even know how to structure my presentation, and I've forgetten all past presentations. Perhaps I am losing my mind.

I also have been thinking about the amount of work that I will have to do throughout this month. So much! I have some sort of paper, exam, or whatever each week for the remainder of my college career. I can't wait for the 5th of May; all this will be over.

The Targum (school newspaper) had another special insert about college grads and job searches. I started reading an article which stated the first step of finding a job was to write a resume (duh). I felt somewhat secure because I skimmed the title and it had the word 'senior' in it, so I assumed that it was for grad. seniors. BUT then I reread the title and it was for future seniors aka people on top of their shit, aka people who probably have had more than one work experience aka not me. When it all comes down to it, it's my fault; I should've worked on one sooner. I just hope I can find a job come July (when I get back from the PI) and that it will be awesome and rewarding and all that bullshit.

Domesticity. sorta.

It's past six, and part of me is squealing because I'm missing the rerun of Martha from earlier today. I have to work on a presentation though, so I guess it's better to be constructive as opposed to sitting on my couch, eating salt and vinegar potato chips from a bag that rests on my belly, and watching Martha make something delicious.

I guess I can call myself domestic-minded. Cooking, baking, and crafting gets me really excited. It's built my reputation among my friends and family. It definitely isn't coming from a submissive stand-point; I'd probably knock you out if you told me to get into a kitchen, but more from an artistic stance. I guess cooking and baking something delicious and visually appealing (though not all creations are made equal) gives me that cathartic feeling one gets painting or sculpting, or doing some other handiwork. Crafting does that too. For example, on Saturday instead of being constructive I made 3 ipod cozies. Go me. Plus making food and baked goods and giving them/serving them to friends and family gives me a certain validation, the same when I do well on a paper or exam, or get compliments on my crafty wares.

Right now I barely have time to cook/bake, though. With school and all it's so easy to just eat something quick or pick something up on the way home. In the beginning of the semester or when I have free time I make food for me and whoever wants to eat in my apartment. It's fun, and they usually enjoy and appreciate it.

I'm dreaming of cupcakes right now. Big ones with pink and yellow frosting. I heart http://cupcakestakethecake.blogspot.com, it's the perfect substitute for the real thing. Well, sorta.

first entry.

it's april 4, and i have less than a month until i am done with my college career. by may 1st,i will be done with all those papers, exams, quizzes, bullshit. then, on the 18th i graduate, confirming that i have now passed on to the adult world of legitimacy. well, sorta. i 'm probably going to still be working at Barnes and Noble, tearing out my hair, be in credit card debt, drinking a lot, smoking when i said I would quit, and dancing like a silly girl. Oh, well.

I'm ready to be done with this college deal, having taken the five year plan (four years at Rutgers and one at Johnson and Wales U in RI) the reading, writing, late nights, little sleep, college experience is long over due to be over. I got to catch up with the rest of my friends who are enjoying/despising grown-up life, those who I graduated high school with that is. Despite all the excitement that comes with graduation (aside from no more homework, I get to read for fun-woot!), I find myself wanting to throw up, just a little, when I realize my plans for the future are uncertain and flexible, and that I will be removing myself from the structure I'd known for the past five years. Though the reading and papers suck, it was something I scheduled for myself to do on so and so nite, and provided clear goals for me to reach. My friends won't be as accessible either; I will miss going downstairs and seeing Emily, Beth, or Susie in the living room, watching tv and sitting down to talk to them, or calling up any of my other friends to meet up a Qdoba, Thai Palace, or the student center.

Plus, I'm moving back with my parents, and though they are cool, I can't be having loud sex in their house (or any sex at all. well not that they will know of. hee) and my brother will probably end up eating all the junk food that is not peanut/peanut-butter ridden that I bring into the house. AND,my room back home is significantly smaller than my illegal attic abode here off campus. As if that was ever possible.

If/When I find a new job, I will be also leaving a place where I've been so comfortable. I've worked at the Princeton B&N for the past (almost) four years. There I've met Gary, the love of my life, three of my best girlfriends (Emily, Meghan, Lynn plus me make up Voltron), a good amount of other friends and friendly faces, fun, obnoxious memories, and easy access to books, knowledge, irate customer stories, and 1/2 price white chocolate mochas.
Yes, I need to get out of the retail field, but I'm scared that i won't be able to find a job I like, or want (ahem, library assistant jobs=gimme) or realize I don't want to go get my master's in library science or that I won't be as good at whatever job I get next. What's a history/poli sci major who doesn't want to teach to do??

So yeah. I'm at a crossroads at my life, and yes, i will admit, I want to poop myself. But, instead of sitting around soiling myself (sorry for the gross analogy. pooping is great, though),i will try to be as proactive as possible. I decided to start this new blog to document this part of my life,Its also here to promote my craft business that I will be starting this summer, plus general crafty banter and perhaps some angry/spiteful cattiness on the side. Enjoy.