ratti pillo loves you always.

hmmm. so i've been 23 for a month, now...I don't feel entirely too different. You would think the age would have had some time to sink in. But then again, so much has changed within this month-obv I'm in a big turning point in my life.

Gary and I are no more. Well, at least for now. I've heard he's an all or nothing type of guy. I was responisible for it; I've realized I needed some time to think about things...I've been having fun, meeting people, etc. I don't think I'm ready for such a serious relationship. I thought I was, and maybe I was hiding my feelings for a while...I never gave the chance to second-guess this until now. I cried when I told him; he told me I didn't love him anymore. I do. I only want good things for him...and right now, I don't think I can be it. I haven't cried since (this was about three .5 weeks ago) and at certain times, I feel like I'm on the verge of tears. But I don't cry. Maybe getting older means you get colder with your feelings. As trite as this may sound, it's probably part of growing up. I was hesitant to call myself single for a while...I guess I am. I've been feeling secure in my decision...but I can't help but think that I might just develop some sort of shell and not let anybody else in. It feels like eternity since I've been single, and frankly, I don't know how to go about the whole dating scene. Time will only tell.

Meanwhile, I've moved back to my parents' house. It's weird, I'm kind of liking the fact that the kitchen is clean, there is always toliet paper, and parking is availble. My parents and I are pretty cool with each other; like if I'm going out, I just need to let them know if I'm coming home late or what have you. I'm somewhat anxious about other issues, like the fact that I might develop a sex life in the future and how they will deal with that. Maybe it's better that they don't know.

My room is slightly less messy that I expected. My parents went to great lengths to provide me storage space, and we have a decently sized house, but a lot of my stuff is scattered. It took me all of Sunday night to unpack my clothes; I've done about 10 loads of laundry...I have too many tee-shirts. I filled more than enough bags with consignment/donation/future online selling items; clothes, shoes, junk. I've gone through my early teenage years; dating way back from middle school -shoesboxes filled with notes, greeting cards, wallet sized school pics, programs, etc etc. I wonder what is the protocol to get rid of those things...part of me just wants to junk to be out, but I remember days when I would go and shuffle through the boxes and laugh, be disgusted, or cry about the pieces of paper. I guess as long as there is room in my closets for them, there they shall stay.

I got up entirely too early today, went to McDonald's for breakfast, had lots of iced coffee, went to work for 5 hours. I am exhausted. Is this what happens now? It's weird, since I've been out of school, I've lost all track of time. Days go by really quickly. I can't decipher if today is Tuesday or Thursday. As you can tell from past entries, I've been reading a lot. Right now I took out a book from work, Fun Home by Alison Bechdel. Its a graphic novel biography. I'm liking it so far, though I'm only on page 5. I'm also re-reading The Great Gatsby. Second time around, I've really come to appreciate it. I also picked up Sarah Vowell's Take the Cannoli. I am loving all the time I have to read.

I want to nap! oouf. I was going to start my exercise regiment today, but seeing that I have just soo much to do I think it would be best to leave it until I come back from vacation. haha.