OHH PS: I will never add The Matrix or any in that series to my queue. PERIOD.

*yet AGAIN, another Project Runway entry*=Spoilers and Yes, this will probably be a weekly thing.

So last night's challenge was to design an evening gown for MIss USA, Tara Conner. Another catch was that they were to work in teams of 2. I'm not a huge fan of team challenges, for we only see half of the contestants designs come to fruition, but it makes for interesting banter and Drama.

The look on Kayne's face when they all found out that they were designing for Miss USA was effing priceless! He must have been sooooo excited, afterall pagents are his fucking thing. I was so happy for him! The gown that him and Robert worked on came out really nice; it wasn't some crazy flamingo pink/green sequined atrocity. I was so happy that he won; during the whole challenge, he didn't parade around like Mr. "I know EVERYTHING when it comes to marching these skinny bitches down a pagent runway, so non' ya'll have a DAMN chance winnin' dis!" and it was just so effing appropriate that he wins. If he doesn't come away from PR as the winner, he at least has a really awesome 'resume' booster of designing Miss USA's gown for Miss Universe; his clientele will love that shit. Plus of the night: Robert and Kayne together. LOVE IT & I WANT TO SEE MORE. too cute and funny!

I was sorry to see Malan go. Though that gown looked like some effing hershey kisses melted onto some shorn satin, he was somewhat growing on me. I think it was the sob story about his mother telling him he was worthless when it came to designing. He took his auf'ing very graciously, admitting on the runway that he would have to be the one to go. I hope he succeeds in design in some aspect....maybe Austin Scarlett will adopt him and they can be coutour princesses together...they both LOVE glamour and I'm such AS will love that effing accent.

Jeffrey also didn't annoy me too much. I loved his quip when he remarked his initial reaction to the word pagent, associating it with Jon Benet. Ha. Pagents are redoc. He hates too much though on other people's work. I didn't understand his 'iron warrior princess' whatever look. The one strap just looked as if it was constantly falling off the model's shoulder.

Laura's dress didn't impress me too much either, looked like any typical pagent gown from the past. It wasn't too exciting, but it was dated or ugly. I did like Keith's and Uli's, very modern and flowy....though I didn't picture Keith's in a pagent setting, maybe more like a Red-Carpet dress.

IMO, I think Angela should have gotten the boot. But i think that decision would have been too much based on teamwork vs. design concept. I did not see her lift a finger throughout the whole thing and in the beginning when she was pestering and badgering Kayne?! holy shit, I would have busted that bitch in her mouth. ALSO the way she sat with Tara Conner during the idea pitch was totally unprofessional and amateur. I can't believe she had the nerve, after the way she acted during the pitch, to critique Vincent's dress as "Something I made in college". Well, honey sorry not everyone can have gowns that people mistake for effing YVES SAINT LAURENT. Granted, Vincent is a little crazy ("I need you to stay three feet away from me"? Well, come to think of it if I had country ho bitch Ang telling me that we're running out of time/shit is ugly/ and not supporting my vision- if she had to critique, she should have done it constructively. If there's another team challenge, NO ONE is going to want to work with her) but he was team leader, and I think if anything, they all knew Vincent was crazy, but at least he could sew, and she should have been cooperative in order to counter-act his craziness.

Angela, please pull your fucking head out of the air and realize your bubble skirts are FUG SQUARED. I hate the bubble skirt/riding boot ensembles. She looks like fucking Pippi Longstocking and she should be maimed with a pair of shears. Oouf.

Anyway, I was reading Tim's Take and he noted that many of the designers were short on time. Hmm. One has to wonder how much time they truly have to execute their designs...though they are given '2 days', I'm sure their shit is all over the place- doing their 'confessionals', eating, shopping for their materials, mulling their design over...etc etc. I guess the time constraint is something the 3 (or 4 rather) finalists are really eager to shed for their final collections. Good design comes with time....well, for the most part.

Anyway, I added another 5 movies to my netflix. Today at work I was talking about how I tried arranging my selections by some theme; foreign, by director, actress/actor, style, genre, etc, and how I did an Artist theme; Basquiat, Pollack, and Freida, but instead of pronouncing Pollack as in Jackson Pollack, i said POLL-ACK as in racial slur. Oops my bad! ha. It was sort of funny. I flub things like that all the time. Alas, my first choice will be arrive tomorrow, and maybe during the day on Sunday I will watch it. oouf. At least So You Think You Can Dance is on tonight, though it is not the same watching it by myself, rather than with Miss Emily and Beth @ 110 Louis. Oh, the memories!. ha.

several hours later....I've added 111 titles to my netflix queue. I signed up for the 'one DVD at a time' unlimited. I figure if I at least see 4-5 a month, my ten bucks will be worth it. My first choice is 3 Women, by Robert Altman. I am also planning to keep a journal of every movie I see from now on. HA.

I've been meaning to do this with also all the books I read because I've realized I have a farty memory and my description of books boils down to "It was really good...good ending" and that also translates to movie descriptions, so I guess this is all part of the "Bettering (is that a word?) of C. Rillo" Academic/Intellectual Plan (which is executed along with the 'Bettering of C. Rillo Physical/Appearance/Health/Whatever Else Plan, which might be explained in the future [its me working out, not smoking, and buying clothes every other day oouf])which entails :

• watching more good movies that I've been meaning to see, have been told to see, are favorite movies of friends/crushes/random customers @ the store who insist watching said movie will 'change my life'. However, I haven't added the following out of personal principle: Garden State, Secondhand Lions (Haley Joel Osmet evokes this weird gag reflex), The Sixth Sense (I know the 'big secret' and then I saw Unbreakable, and um HJO is also in it), and The Notebook. All 3 of these titles are in the top 100 of Netflix, btw. Oh, and NO DAVID LYNCH. Holy shit. I HATE DAVID LYNCH (But I might add Eraserhead....wait, I did. oops)
• reading more books and shit. Iwas about to say that I wish they had a system for books like Netflix, but then I was like...oh. THE LIBRARY. dumbshit moment, I apologize. I've reread a favorite classic, The Great Gatsby, which I love (and reminds me I want to add the 70s film adaptation starring Sam Waterson and Robert Redford on my list...) and I want to reread Lord of the Flies (I already added the 60s adapt. of the book. ha). I've been getting into essays and memoirs as of late, but I have a stack of art, fiction, and history books, all refugees from college classes in which I didn't do the reading and impulse purchases at work.
• writing more; zines which, after reading Sedaris Me Talk Pretty One Day and Sarah Vowell's Take the Cannoli, I want to write in essay-form...well most zines are almost like essay anthologies, but I love the idea of themes. so yeah.
• learn more vocabulary: also in preparation for GRE review. Note to self: Buy GRE review book. When does one take that again? oouf
• learn, to, control, use, of, commas...

anyway. BYE.

bladdity blah blah blah. So, my mood has lightened up since yesterday's post. Today I went out with my bro to his school- Raritan Valley Comm. Coll, so he gets use to the commute, and then to Bridgewater Mall, where I bought some shit I really didn't need like body butter and lip liner, but whatever. Oouf. I need to stop spending money! A day doesn't go by, where I don't buy something- coffee, tea, choco-covered graham cracker, cooking magazines, off the shoulder asymmetrical sweaters, etc etc. The maddness must stop! I think I really ought to start crafting so help appease this consuming monster hidden in me. Maybe that's my response mechanism to depression: buy everything I see. Oouf. Lets hope not. I'm going to write out a budget. One would think, after quitting smoking that I could see how much money I'm saving, but I end up spending it anyway. Like on cheese sandwiches. At least that's food...food=need, equals OK. But seriously, I should stop spending so much money. I figure if I hang out a picture of the Ibook i desperately want and need above my nightstand, I will be inspired to not buy that 20 $$ white tea body creme, and instead put that away for a rainy day.

I did the eliptical today again. I'm starting to tire of working out. I mean I do it, but it gets boring. Maybe I should start jogging outside at night, when it's cooler. I went for a walk last night with my mom, pre-storm, and it was nice. We talked about stuff; religion in the Philippines, homoesexuality in the PI, the ending to Picnic at Hanging Rock (P@HR is one of those movies that has an 'open' ending, and my mom can't accept that fact, so we spent like 2 hours talking about what happened. oouf) etc etc. I rounded out the night by watching Dario Argento's wonderful Suspiria...SO GOOD! it's a horror movie, but it's not that scary (to me) because everything is dubbed. The style of the film, however is AMAZING. The use of blue, red, and green remind me of Amelie, the fashion is amazing and inspired me to sketch out my fashion plates if I were to re-do Suspiria, 2k6. But I would never ever think of re-doing that movie...it would be a complete travesty. If you haven't seen it, are a fan of foreign horror movies, go!

I've been thinking about doing Netflix ever since I graduated, now that I have all this time on my hands. There's a bunch of movies I want to see/should see (according to other people) and I haven't gotten the chance to. A lot of them are criterion/foreign and NF has a good selection. There are also some tv shows I want to catch up with /watch (the canceled Life as We Know It, Lost season II when that comes out, Perfect Strangers...is that even out on dvd? well, it should be, etc etc etc). My list begins with Altman's 3 Women, Linklater's Slacker, Gilliham's Brazil, etc etc. Any suggestions? I want to get into movies that are really stylized...after my sketching frenzy during Suspiria, I think I might just do that with other movies I watch. I want to do it for P@HR, Amelie, Mean Girls (that super trendy shit is insane, i heart that movie ha), etc etc.

Now, if my sketches could materialize as clothing. I wish I sewed more proficiently; I'm going to pick up the new Wendy Mullin's sewing book in September (she is the designer of Built by Wendy which I love/can't afford most of the time) and it comes with 3 patterns which are super cute. Part of my wants to start sewing more stuff for myself instead of buying, but sometimes buying clothes is just plain easier. Baby steps, baby steps...

Speaking of sewing clothes, Project Runway is on tonight!! Highlight of the week! I am sad. I'm wondering who is the figure of 'American Royalty'. It better not be anyone Bush related. Maybe it's Jackie O's niece/whatever. I don't know if she's American though (I think maybe Greek) whatever.

I bought my own groceries today: 2 bags of salad, hummus, 3 tomatoes, and a bag of pita. It was like 12 bucks. I'm hoping it'll last me a week. HA. I kind of wish I still smoked (I had the biggest effing erge today to light up) to keep off hunger pangs...also I use to smoke like a mother when I was depressed. Oh well, time to turn to big girl depression tactics like buying 20$ body cream and venti nonfat carm. machiattos.

blah. that's been the word of the day as of late.

adjusting to life after college, after super-awesome-fun vacation, etc has been hard. I'm not one to admit when my feelings have been hurt, when something is wrong, but I've been kind of on the verge of tears almost everyday since I've gotten back from the Philippines, at one point or the other during the day. I haven't given in and cried though, so I try to keep myself occupied by thinking about everything else under the sun, scrambling to find people to surround myself with, just so I don't feel so damn lonely.

BUT, these feelings have been coming in waves. Verge of tears, yes, but then a minute later I'll assure myself that I'll be fine, that I don't need a warm body next to me, that I'm better off single because I need to discover myself, and that stupid bros who don't talk to me after coming back from vacation aren't worth my time. Oouf. I get all "all the women who' independent!" on my self, and then talk some shit, etc etc. It's hard, but I guess I'm doing okay. I could be just burying the feelings I'm really experiencing deeper and deeper.

I have made positive strides post-college though...I quit smoking (i've been smoke-free for a month!!), and I work out for an hour almost everyday. I feel good after pounding out 45 minutes on the eliptical, and hopefully I will lose some of the weight I want to lose, get fit, and be hella hotttt. I'm trying to help my parents out around the house, cleaning and cooking when I can. I'm trying to save money, which isn't working, but I'm thinking about working a crazy schedule, where I will be working 50 hours a week at two jobs, but making enough to support myself while I live at home. We'll see. Hopefully I can pull that off . I'm considering it, not only just for cash money but...because I don't have anything better to do.

I'm ready to meet people/guys, but...where are they? Haha. I hung out with Mike on Friday, and he told me to strive to date every kind of guy possible so I know what I like and what I don't like. If only it were that easy. Ha. My hormones are taking over, and I hope that "date every kind of guy possible" doesn't translate into "become a whore". oouf. He also said to make up some rules and adhere to them. Perhaps Rule #1 will be: Just Say No to Bros. Oouf. But they're kind of cute. oouf, there I said it.

I'm hoping to be more creative too, soon. I'm planning to start my zine today...plans fell through, and hopefully my day off won't be wasted away by an errend trip to Target, and then sitting on my ass, watching Picnic at Hanging Rock for the umpteenth time. We'll see.

*warning, Project Runway Spoilers Ahead*

Yes, yes, yes! When I found out that PR was going to do a 3rd season this early, of course I was so excited. So, last night was the big premiere, and I plopped my big ole butt from 9 (for the preshow) to 11, and tuned in for all the cutting, bitchiness, fabric, design, and overall fabulous-ness in what looks like a promising season.

I don't know what the allure of PR is...I'm not a huge fan of reality tv, only really as a guilty-pleasure, toungue in cheek if you will kind of enjoyment. I guess because it has to do with Fashion, and I LOVE clothes and design. Afterall, ever since I was a younger I was always sewing, drawing, and even considered going into fashion. Alas, I passed on the opp. to go FIT, but I don't regret that one bit. I've realized I'm more of a crafter than a sewer, but I do want to start making more clothes; to sell and for myself. Simple, cute stuff...nothing Couture or crazy chic. I do appreciate good clothes, and now that I am getting older, I've realized that when I do have to buy clothes, I should make better decisions and pick pieces that are classic, grown-up, and aren't graphic tee shirts from delias. oouf, I really ought to stop buying so many tee shirts, period. But yeah....I think I appreciate both mainstream fashion, stuff you see in Lucky and Shop Etc and what not, but also DIY because that's the stuff I like to do. I think it all just falls under; Christine likes clothes, shoes, accessories, and ummm whatever.

So, I'm pretty excited about Season 3. I've forgotten how longer the runway shows are , because there are still so many contestants. I think the design aesthetic and skill is a nice range, as well as the degrees of douchebagery that has already been displayed on last night's show. Looking at the promo for the rest of the season, promises a lot of drama (there seems to be a lot of bickering this Season, and among more people than letsay the typical 2-3). They didn't show any teasers of any future challenges; I hope they are just as fun and creative as they have been in the past....my favorite part of the show is seeing the process of creation...it makes me become more inspired and itching to craft or create something.

I haven't pinned down the contestants names just yet. Stacey was the first one to be au'fed last night. I agreed with the decision, even though Vincent's piece was kind of fugg (that DAMN HAT!) but I understand he has more of visionary appeal, and lets hope the rest of his pieces aren't as dumb as that number. Stacey couldn't sew to save her life, and it was good to see that a potential Marla from Season 2 was auf'd (how frustrating is it to be another contestant on the show and having to tutor your competitor?!) early enough. Her design had potential but somewhat too simple. Student-y, as Michael Kors or Tim Gunn would reply, I think.

My favorites so far (personality and design wise) are Bradley Baumkirkner (i LOVED his bio video, and the clothes featured in it...AND his sketches...how effing cute!), Keith Michaels (he looks like he's going to be a big asshole, but i hearted that dress and was so glad he won), Robert Best (anyone who designs for Barbie is AWESOME), Bonnie (she's so cute. there's something about her), Laura (she exudes classiness, reminds me of chanel), Alison (her voice is kind of annoying, but i really liked her piece and her video bio), Kayne (HELLO, he owns a pagent gown store. Those fucking gays, I love em).

Michael, Angela, KAtherine, Uli, and Vincent (who is a little nuts, I think) I'm interested in, but I can't call them favorites yet. However, Jeffrey and Malan are already earning points in my tick-o-meter...Firstoff, Jeffrey has that dumb douchebag "I design for rockstars, and I'm fucking hardcore awesome, hello, look at my neck tattoo!!!" thing about him. The shit he made looks like shit you can get at Hot Topic, and the piece he made last night was a train-wreck! Deconstruction, bullshit...it looked like he doused his model in auto-car rags. Also, his "sick neck-tatt" makes his neck look super wide, and his head look itty-bitty. I can't look at him when he does his confessionals. oouf.

Malan, I don't think it's a problem with his designs, he made something nice last night. BUT that accent and his laugh!!! ouff...I thought i would enjoy the british-whatever the fuck that is, but it's already annoying! haha. Well, I think it's his laugh more so than his speaking voice, and also his posture. He did not stand up straight the entire show! He's going to develop that damn, Watson-Butler kind of posture...to match his accent.

I am curious what they are going to do about models. I liked the process they had Season 1, where the winner got the first pick ,and then everyone else picked randomly. Last Season, they didn't have immunity for the winner, and most of the designers stuck with the models they had from the beginning, which is understandble, because you get to learn their body, measurements, walks, etc etc. Maybe they will do a mix of immunity and non-immunity...I remember reading a discussion on televisionwithoutpity.com boards about how the lack of immunity seem to not have the designers work to their ultimate potential-like most of the time in Season 2, some designers (ahem, Marla, ahem)where just pumping out a 'good-enough' garment, in hopes they wouldn't get eliminated. If they were truly passionate about design, they should be taking the opportunity to explore their aesethtic, or tweak it. Lets hope there are plenty of delicious pieces made this season...Hump Days now have a reason for existance.

Contestants/potential-contestants used the words 'passion' and 'fashion' way too many times for my liking. Lets work on that, okay?

so, I go back to work tomorrow at the bookstore. Oouf. I'm dreading it already. I talked to one of my friends last night and he said that there are a bunch of new people and a lot of people have left, and etc etc. Whatever. Hopefully in a couple of months, I will have a new, awesom-er job, and be legitimate about things. We can hope.

I'm not up for writing today. Ever since I've gotten back, I've been battling feelings of lonliness; in every facet and form. I miss my grandparents and being with them everyday. I miss being out of college, out of Louis St, out of New Brunswick (god forbid), and having my friends nearby. I miss being in a relationship, but on the other hand I'm looking foward to going out and meeting other guys and having fun, and having crushes (though I've been out of the game for a while, and relearning all this bullshit with guys/how they act is frustrating). I've been filling the void by going shopping and to target, and looking over pics from school and my trip. Hopefully, this too will pass; my megha is coming home next week, I'm making plans to hang out with friends, etc etc.

In other news, hopefully next week I will start setting up my crafting space and start being creative again. I'm kind of missing it, and maybe it will help me get over this post-collegiate slump.

I'm kind of in the need for hugs and a cuddlefest with friends.

Here is a link to some pics from my trip:

http://rutgers.facebook.com/photos.php?id=8812549&l=67a56

Enjoy!

So, I'm home now. Jet lag hasn't yet taken ahold of me; I got home 330 pm Monday, July 3rd, but left 630 am PI time July 3rd, so time has been a little tricky. But I did get a lot of sleep last night, so I should be okay for the day.

It's weird to be back home...in the past week or so I'd really adjusted to living in the PI. Or rather, living rich in the PI, as if you have any sort of money (if you can afford to go the PI for vacation, most of the time you can afford luxuries there) I had people driving me places, cooking, cleaning, etc for me. Oh well, back to the daily grind of things! Luckily, I haven't brought back the habit of over-indulgance food-wise, so it'll be back to veggie burgers, avacado sandwiches, and yoghurt (oh man I missed it so much over there!).

When I left my grandparents, I cried like a child at the airport, and I couldn't stop the tears. I miss them so much already.

Instead of blogging my entire trip, I've decided to make my trip issue 2 of Ratti Pillo, so hpefully I will be starting that next week. It'll prob be 2-3 $$, let me know if you're interested.

Time for bbq action. Happy Fourth!