ratti pillo loves you always.

blah. that's been the word of the day as of late.

adjusting to life after college, after super-awesome-fun vacation, etc has been hard. I'm not one to admit when my feelings have been hurt, when something is wrong, but I've been kind of on the verge of tears almost everyday since I've gotten back from the Philippines, at one point or the other during the day. I haven't given in and cried though, so I try to keep myself occupied by thinking about everything else under the sun, scrambling to find people to surround myself with, just so I don't feel so damn lonely.

BUT, these feelings have been coming in waves. Verge of tears, yes, but then a minute later I'll assure myself that I'll be fine, that I don't need a warm body next to me, that I'm better off single because I need to discover myself, and that stupid bros who don't talk to me after coming back from vacation aren't worth my time. Oouf. I get all "all the women who' independent!" on my self, and then talk some shit, etc etc. It's hard, but I guess I'm doing okay. I could be just burying the feelings I'm really experiencing deeper and deeper.

I have made positive strides post-college though...I quit smoking (i've been smoke-free for a month!!), and I work out for an hour almost everyday. I feel good after pounding out 45 minutes on the eliptical, and hopefully I will lose some of the weight I want to lose, get fit, and be hella hotttt. I'm trying to help my parents out around the house, cleaning and cooking when I can. I'm trying to save money, which isn't working, but I'm thinking about working a crazy schedule, where I will be working 50 hours a week at two jobs, but making enough to support myself while I live at home. We'll see. Hopefully I can pull that off . I'm considering it, not only just for cash money but...because I don't have anything better to do.

I'm ready to meet people/guys, but...where are they? Haha. I hung out with Mike on Friday, and he told me to strive to date every kind of guy possible so I know what I like and what I don't like. If only it were that easy. Ha. My hormones are taking over, and I hope that "date every kind of guy possible" doesn't translate into "become a whore". oouf. He also said to make up some rules and adhere to them. Perhaps Rule #1 will be: Just Say No to Bros. Oouf. But they're kind of cute. oouf, there I said it.

I'm hoping to be more creative too, soon. I'm planning to start my zine today...plans fell through, and hopefully my day off won't be wasted away by an errend trip to Target, and then sitting on my ass, watching Picnic at Hanging Rock for the umpteenth time. We'll see.