I'm feelin' kind of small and sad today. I can't explain it. I just want to cry, let it allllll out...but I can't. sigh.

BUT. On the brighter side, I got my review at work. I meet all standards. I'm exceptional. They like to give me projects. They notice that I don't mind working in other departments and I'm an expert at info and shelving. Awesome. Now, if only I didn't work there. But I did get the pittance raise promised to me every year. So, yeah. I'm working on my resume tomorrow; let's see how that pans out.

I'm looking WAY foward to this weekend though. I'm possibly having din-din with emily face on friday, then on Saturday, I'm going to Ill-a-Delphia, to visit my girl Megha. Judi is coming with, annnnd our bestie from the South, Steph! YAY! I'm bringing the shirt I can't wear a bra with, yay! It should be fun. I think we're going to partake in some cultural amusements during that day, then party dirty at night, the way we always bring it.

Then another week at work begins. SIGH! But i'm going to schedule some doctor's appointments and study for GREs and what not. Then I think next weekend, me and Nick are going to be arty-farty at the Whitney for an Edward Hopper exhibit and we might go be hip in Park Slope afterwards. If you're a buddy in the city, I may be calling you :) (attn: Q, Meghan, and Tish).

ALSO!!! We finished painting my room today. I'm in LOVE WITH IT. I'm going to take some pictures once everything's done. I'm so excited about it.

oxo

hey hey hey.

some news:

2 new issues of Ratti Pillo:

#2: Ratti Pillo/The Philippines- about my trip to the PI. Includes mini recipe book.
#3: Ratti Pillo/.inbetween.-about my post-collegiate summer

#2 is 2.00/or zine trade//#3 is 1.00/or zine trade

~~~~~~~~~~
anyway, Sunday was Philly Zine Fest. It was a lot of fun. Stephanie came down from NY on Saturday to stay at my house because of our early start on Sunday. We went into princeton for some indian food (yay masala grill!) and felt like grown-ups because we were having fancy food and fancy conversation. I somewhat miss having someone to talk politics and activism with, like I do with Steph. After walking around p-ton and observing the yuppies, we went back to my place, watched Donnie Darko (director's cut, bitches), and put together our zines.

Sunday, we left early and got to the Rotunda by 1030. More tablers came, and we saw familiar zine friends like Meg who runs gladys sells things and her zine I Hear You Like Stories, Elsie from Chinese Sweatshop, and I also saw Jess from In-hope.com, who is a crafter (and a pretty awesome one at that). We actually talked about forming an NJ craft mafia of sorts. She was telling me how well she did at Renegade Craft Fair back in June, and I told her about how my sewing machine broke. It would be cool to have some ladies to craft with, and if anything, on the business aspect of things, have someone split the costs for tabling and advertising-shit gets expensive.

I was able to trade for a lot of stuff, but since I didn't ge tto craft (my sewing machine broke. it's pretty devastating, and I dont know if i'm going to buy a new one or try to get mine fixed again. we'll see) I didn't have a lot of new stuff. So, I didn't make too much on that side. I'm actually just trying to liquidate what I have right now. Maybe I will post some pics up here or whatever. But, I did get a lot of issues of my newest zines, which I'm pretty proud of. They're a little bit more substantial than past ones, and I did work hard on 'em.

Other than that, my plans next are looking for a new job and um grad school fun-time. Yay. I got a lot done today: finished a birthday comic for Tishon, went to the Post Office and sent out amazon stuff I sold, package for Nisha, and other mail, went to the supermarket and bought enough groceries for under 30.00, and painted my nails. I still have work tonight, but I'm feeling good that I did something with my day.

mmmkay bye.

SO....

I posted a free profile on match.com. For shits and giggles, and a particularly boring Friday night. I told myself that I wouldn't sign up for it, just see what goes on in the world of internet dating. In desccribing my online dating venture I've gotten mixed responses- from "Why???" to "It feels weird to me...like they send you a catalog of mens" to "That's cool, see anyone you like". I don't know my whole opinion of it. I mean, I'm pretty sure I can meet mens in the 'real world', but sometimes it's nice to cruise around these sites and see what's out there. Plus, it's always fun writing about yourself (it's my inner narcisist).

Now, on match.com you can't send e-mails or reply to them unless you are a paid member. The only thing you can do is 'send winks'; and say you're not interested or send one back. Okay, so i've gotten a lot of 'winks' (i feel slightly dirty when I say that), and mostly from 36-49 year old guys who are Fugg and stuff, older guys at 30 (some Fugg some not), and like maybe 1-4 who are 25 (i don't remember if they're fugg or not). Maybe like 2 cuties. Anywhoo, I told myself that I would sign up for a trial month period if I got 15 e-mails.

Today, when I opened my gmail....SOMEONE HAS SENT YOU AN EMAIL...this is #15. Oh boy. Now I feel slightly obligated to try it. I mean, part of me is just interested in seeing who email me. Maybe it's the cutie I winked at. Boy, was he cute. He is 26, a documentary film maker, and lives in brooklyn, and apparently an EnrgticTrvlr. Oh, and he kind of looks like a model, like sports, cafes, and intelligent shit like history. Does that even exist?

Sigh. I mean, I haven't been concentrating on my dating life. It's pretty much non-existent, and I don't mind it. I just feel like I should be meeting someone, or something, I dunno. IT's weird. Jen at work told me that someone at work wanted to ask me out. Now, this guy is someone i've known for a while, and I'm no where near attracted to him. HE's a nice guy, don't get me wrong, but he has his issues and I just don't want to deal with that, plus dating a co-worker. I feel that most of my life already revolves around that damn bookstore, and I certainly don't want another relationship to come out of that place.BAH. Where are all my cute computer IT/engineers/curators at?? haha. I need to go live somewhere else, this NJ dating pool is getting stupid and boring.

I'm watching, Tokyo Revealed on the travel channel and I want to move there/live there/whatever. They just had a segment about the fish market in Tokyo, which is the busiest in the world. Now, they're showing a segment about the crazy high tech toilets (people are willing to pay up to 4500 for an amazing toliet! crazy!). They have a ladies toliet, which has a perfume pump and a sound device so you can cover up yr fartin' and poopin'. amazing.

Anyway, another day at work today. It went by quickly. My best friend @ work Jen, is leaving me in 4 days. boohiss. After Philly Zine Fest (quick plug- philadelphiazinefest.com- i will be there!) I'm going to concentrate on getting a new job and grad. school bullshat. I've just been in a good writing mood as of late, and I've written (or almost done with) 2 zines. I need to craft some stuff, so momma can make some money. I made three ipod cozies on friday, and I want to make 22 headbands and maybe 8 more pouches. nothing too fancy- I figure I'm not going to go too overboard because of time. Plus, I think once my life is somewhat settled (or at least when I can find half of my shit. oouf) i can start setting up my ccraft space, pour over those crafting books I've been buying, and be able to do it more after work, or whatever.

Last night was APO alumni jug down at steve's house. It was a lot of fun. I honestly thought it was going to be lame, because there weren't too many people there, and my big didn't end up going, but it turned out to be a crazy night. I drank minimally, just cos I had to drive back up to Princeton, plus there were enough drunkies to keep me entertained. I got to see Marilou, my first little which was awesome because I hadn't seen her since her graduation party back in july. Also, I got to see Fernando, and Dan C G, who are always fun. We had the jug ceremony, drank somemore, hung out, you know. Steve's house was really nice and there was a hottub and a pool. I didn't go in though, cos I fear getting sick (which I'm starting to feel, again! oouf). The power went out at around 130am, apparently someone had a car accident and hit a pole or something. We were out in the boonies, so yeah.

I got a bunch of candle wax all over my pants- i was holding a candle while we were in the dark and didn't realize it was dripping all over me. I got it all out- wet pants in cold water in yr sink or a basin. Boil water and pour it over the wax, it'll melt. Put in washing machine immediately. I felt so adult. haha.

I can't believe how fast time flies. On the end of a very important anniversary, that of 9/11, I am in a sense getting a bit sentimental. I feel like it happened ages ago, just because I feel like I've change sooooooo much since then. Five years ago, I was away from home for the first time, in Providence, RI going into my freshman year at Johnson and Wales. I remember everything about that day; how I thought the girl who came into my class was an idiot because she said a place crashed into the Twin Towers (yeeeaaah okay), the initial shock that I felt when I found out it was true, running back to my dorm to watch the news, not being able to get in touch with my family, wondering if my cousins and my aunt visiting from Seattle were in one of the planes or at the airport or even in the city with my mom that day, and most of all, with all the martial law that was declared, the shut down of all public transportation the thought that I would never be able to go home. You might say that I was overreacting, but seeing as it was my first time away from home, it wasn't certain that I was going to be able to go back to what I was familiar and comfortable with.

Also, I guess the fact that the WTC got hit really struck a chord in me that day. I had grown up in New York practically. It was a part of my childhood, from when we were still living in Queens and my mom would bring me into Manhattan, to the numerous times we had out-of-town family and friends come visit and the required visit to the WTC observation deck. I remember being so scared of heights when I was younger, I wouldn't even press my face up against the glass on the top floor, or even go on the extended landing that let you sit right up against it. By the time I was 10 I knew to take the Newark subway system to Penn Station, and then take the Path to WTC, showing off my navigational skills to one of my aunts who was living with us after an outing to downtown Newark. In high school, the Twin Towers could be seen from Eagle Rock Mountain, where we went to cruise, hang out, make out, and frolick. I remember returning there December of that year and seeing all the memorials left up there, before it became an official memorial. I remembered thinking the skyline looked so empty.

Looking back at that time, I was so young, naive, and just ready to start my life. I look at all the things that has happened to me since then, that's molded me into the adult I am now. When I think about it, I have to laugh about the way I acted, the idiotic (yet funny) things I did, the clothes I wore, and what I thought was cool back then, back in the day! When I think about my brother starting college, it's still weird to think that who I was just five years ago is now somewhat constituted as 'back in the day' (even though it's not but still. haha). I've been really nostalgic ever since graduating college, and I guess it's just natural to think about things like this today. I remember being so ready for life back then, and now...I am, but it's totally different. You're in it for the long haul! It's for real now...and in a sense I guess I do think about the mistakes I have made in the past, and how different my life could have turned out if I did a little better in high school, maybe went to a different school, etc etc. But, I guess dwelling on it is just as bad as regretting all those decisions I made in life. i don't like to live with regret; everything is a lesson, or at least a good story to tell someone.


Meanwhile, I filled out a profile on match.com for shits and giggles, and I find myself checking out my matches and possibly subscribing -you can only check emails if yr a subscribed member. I'm at 8 right now, and maybe if it get up to 15, I'll check it out for a month. I found a couple of hotties who I added to my 'favorites' and that I'm 'compatitble' with. Interesting....

ps: the edit bar doens't come up in my window when i go to write a new posting. does anybody know how to remedy this? i do have a mac if that helps. i'm missing my justification and smaller fonts.

blah. i was going to go to sleep when i got off of work (approx 2 hours ago, midnight) but instead I decided to put artwork on my Ipod, artists a-g. I was going to wait until tomorrow, buuuut bryan told me how to do it and I just got anal about finishing each letter group. oouf. i have so much more to do. it's pretty cool though, cos I have lots of music on my ipod yet, it's just about halfway full. sweet.

today was mommy's bday. we went to friendly's and ate fried things. i'm not used to eating such greasy food so much, my tummy was hurtin' for a little bit, but it was nice to have a family lunch. my dad is impressed regarding my recent acquisions- my computer, printer, camera, and even though i've had it since december my ipod ("oh, you have one of those? wow. is it the same thing as an mp3 player?" oh, daddy). ate a huge sundae. blah!

work was blah. so I have this crush who comes in the cafe to study (i don't know if i mentioned this in an earlier post. it's a recent kind of thing) and i'm pretty sure he came in today, but i didn't know if it was him for a while because he came in sans laptop-the first time i spied him he was behind his computer the whole night. so yeah, i'm pretty sure it was him, i was a little thrown off because when i approached him from behind he didn't look as cute as i remembered. but then i saw him from a different angle and yeah, so I'm pretty sure it's him. Ha. I was able to get a glimpse of the book he was so into; it had some graphs and a bunch of numbers, and he was scribbling down numbers and junk. I hope he's some sort of mathematical genius. A mathematical genius who will sweep me off my book-selling feet and whisk me away into the land of integers and other assorted mathematical figures that i'm not familiar with. sigh. but of course that will never happen, because i will not talk to him, but instead stare at him from various points in the store (info desk, over in bargain, by the new cooking octogon, biography-e-f bay, etc etc) and he will be too buried in his work to even notice. again, sigh. he dresses very well though- good jeans, hoodies, adidas sambas, messanger bag. hullo! part of me wants to roll up on his shit and be like, "hey, i sell books, you read them, lets go out" but then again i don't know how that would go over. i feel that therew ould be some sort of creepiness attributed to the whole situation if i where to go ahead and do that. but then again, i heard a rumor that bookstores are a fabulous place to meet people. as if. he probably has a girlfriend. or not, because um hello he's in a bookstore from 7pm to 11pm. maybe he doesn't even speak english, and then we can just push this silly crush business under the rug. i'm not in the mood to learn another language at the moment.

i had this one customer, some young kid, at least 18 because he had arm tattoos, who was just effing obnoxious. but not to me, just plain obnoxious. to the world. like when we asked him if he needed help (he was looking at the guiness book of world records, the pictorial edition) he answered, "no, i'm just looking at the stupidest people in the world" as in, "the guiness book of world records is full of the stupidest people in the world". well, dude you got some stupid tattoos, and he was just oouf! i guess someone stared at him wrong and made some sort of remark. oouf. sometimes i wonder if i come off as that obnoxious, because i do have my moments. especially at the store. after i showed him where dante's inferno was (apparently, he's just so cool that he can dis record breakers, yet can't find dante on his own? i think we're dealing with a inferior complex problem here), i wondered if, when i made my side remarks, under my breath or kind of snap at my family members when i'm with them in public, people thought the same thing i thought about that kid. oouf. talk about a reality check. i should really try to be more tolerable at work. or, um get a new job.

tomorrow i close again. oouf. and on thursday. blah blah blah.

Happy Labor Day.

I got about four-five hours of sleep the night before and had to go in to work from 9-4. It was a bit busy but it was time and a half. Always a plus. However, the league of customers who frequent the bookstore on Sundays and holidays are in a league of their own. Either it's depressing because they're old, withered bodies, asking you to speak directly into their ears because they can't hear you OR they're super annoying, regardless of age, snippy, ignorant, etc etc.

But you know what the best thing about Labor Day is? The next day all the kids go back to school! YAY! Summer reading is over, and I love the kids who are coming in now, flustered that they didn't think of at least coming in mid-August to pick up Lord of the Flies or Ender's Game and their parents, who like to bitch you out because we're out of Number Devil. A giant FUCK YOU to all, you should've done your reading earlier. I never had any summer reading when I was younger (I did it voluntarily, and it was usually gothic-horror-fluff like VC Andrews. ha. ) and I wish I did because now I'm rediscovering the classics. I'm trying to get through Wuthering Heights right now, and it's going okay. I'm also reading The Autograph Man by Zadie Smith. I decided to take a que from Q, who reads several books at one time. Sometimes I'm in the mood for the moody moors, but today I read about five chapters of Smith. it's pretty good, though I don't understand all of the Jewish references. I have picked up that goyish means gentile. I try.

Last night I went out with some of the members of the closing crew for the usual round of drinks at Fridays (groan). I kind of poured my heart out to Nick unintentionally, moaning about my love life/my susceptibility of falling for dummies/how to meet guys/How do you meet guys?!/and i think the guys I really are attracted to probably think I'm really dumb. He was honest and told me that he had no intelligent advice to give me, but that apparently this is what twentysomething is all about. Great. Oh, well. We ended up laughing about a lot of stuff. I enjoy talking to Nick a lot, he seems very cosmopolitan at times, but very down-to-earth. Nice guy all around. I went home much later than I wanted to, thus the lack of sleep.

After work I took some notes on grad schools and stuff so I could get started looking at that. Blah. I feel very motivated at work to do things like that but the minute I get home, all I want to do is sit around, watch tv, read books that aren't my GRE study guide, and vegetate. Hmpf. i need to get into serious mode soon.

Well, one of my goals this week is to write up issue # 2 of Ratti Pillo. Yeah, I'm finally getting around to it, seeing as that Philly Zine Fest is on the 24th. I am also planning to craft like crazy starting on Friday. ! I'm excited.

Meanwhile, I watching this documentary on TLC about the Dugger family- 16 kids. Crazy. They're like super nice and shit and um tight knit and wear too many long skirts/jumpers kind of family. newborn-17. 2 sets of twins. And they all have names starting with a 'J'. It's a little freakish, but only mildly.

I picked up this book, 20something essays by 20something writers. Aha!

*ps: on my mac, I don't have the edit bar to italicize letters, font, allignment, etc etc. So excuse you know, stuff.

so I haven't updated this piece in while. sigh. Well, I have a new laptop (a perty macbook, glossy, white, beeyootiful!) so I guess I have no excuse now! I want to say that not much has been going on: i had that second job, quit it after two weeks after being so exhausted in the beginning of the week and feeling like I had no time for myself. I'm still at b&n, half hating it, half loving it, yet not being able to really pay bills, save money, do important stuff like that. Oh, well.

On that note, I've been having an overwhelming feeling of fleeing. I need to get out of here: Princeton, NJ, b&n, etc. I spent the last weekend in baltimore-northern virginia and realized that I Loved it. It's enough city for me: bmore, dc but not so overwhelming like New York. It's clean, people seem to be nice, and even though there is suburban sprawl, it's a different kind of sprawl that you find here in central jersey. Northern Jersey is also attractive, but way too expensive. I feel that I can find a job down in DC/B-more with my major, and perhaps go to grad school there. I feel that whatever I'm looking for in my life is not here; I love NJ but I've become too comfortable here I think...It's time to move on and out. So, my gameplan for the next couple of months is studying for the GREs, sending my resume all over the place and becoming wiser about my money. Wish me luck.

Of course, I would miss nj a lot. My family, my friends, my co-workers, and just living here. But, if I do relocate somewhere else I do have a couple of friends there, aaaand it's not that far to drive up 95 to see familiar faces. I'm looking around my room, which is still in a state of 'in-between' because we're building a bookcase and all my stuff is still all over the house, I am yearning for some order, my own space, and um all that stuff. I know there's a lot of work/money/growing up involved, so again I hope this whole feeling is a giant motivator for me to do something with myself.

The summer is coming to an end, and I can't wait. I tire of the weather (even though it's pretty moody out) and ready for long sleeves, cider, and the crunch of leaves under my feet. But, this summer has been amazing and fun. It started off really bumpy, uncertain, and scary. Even over the span of these past months, I feel that I've changed for the better....it's a startling revelation. I still have a lot of growing up to do, but I think I'll be okay. I was so worried about falling into a routine, but I was following a routine anyway when I was back in school- only there were lots of spontaneous actions that made it a little bit more exciting. But, I've come to realize that that special spontaneity can happen- I just have to put myself out there, enjoy the moment, and make it happen. I'm sure that sounded really corny, but whatever.

My summer was pretty amazing: lots of trips, the boys, the dancing, the friends, the good times, my trip to the Philippines, new york, baltimore, etc etc. It was awesome and fun, and I'm looking foward to more fun...and hard work and all that junk. It should be interesting.

okie, so i was going to have an extensive update, but I'm super tired, and City of Lost Children is awaiting me downstairs. So here:

• PR action: I'm sad to see Keith go, because I was a big fan of his clothes. Also sad for Bonnie because she seemed so sweet and I adored her first dress. Yet, her designs weren't very memorable PLUS I would have cried and thrown shit if Robert was auf'd. I don't know what the hell everyone saw in Angela's outfit. I want to burn an effigy of those damn rosettes. Oouf. The pants, however did fit like a dream. I Loved Keith/Alison/Jeffrey's creation, those pants and jacket were HOTT.
• ME: So, I'm working 2 jobs right now (hence being tired). I'm basically working 6 days a week, but I still have my Friday nights and Saturdays free, which means I can/will still have a life. But the second job I picked up is being a personal assistant/office assistant to this woman Lisa who owns a house painting business with her husband. She's super nice and super TMI, in that 'I've been through a lot of shit, Christine' kind of way. She has a dog named Scooby and I love him. We play with Quick books and I go through her receipts and tell her to remember to pay the rent. Shit like that, for like 15-20 hours a week. Plus 30-35 @ b&n...for insurance. Hopefully I don't die, but whatever. It's not like I'd be doing anything else (well, I miss crafting and writing, so hopefully I can fit that in somewhere). If I don't return your calls on mondays and tuesdays, it's because I'm working 14 hour days.
• I went to Baltimore the past weekend to visit with Megha and Stephanie. Lets call it the weekend of "How Christine Got Her Groove Back & Forgot about Stupid Bros". Major whatevs. I also bought some sweet black peep toe pumps and saw some good art at the American Visionary Museum. Plus, I paid for one drink the entire weekend (oh, there was many). I end with a big TEE HEE. oouf.
• I watched Brazil last weekend, and fell asleep, then watched it again, and thought of it as okay. I wasn't fully paying attention, but I do enjoy Jonathan Pryce, and sometimes I didn't understand what was going on. The theme song is amazing.
• Ooops, I started smoking again. I'm trying.

oxoxox

OHH PS: I will never add The Matrix or any in that series to my queue. PERIOD.

*yet AGAIN, another Project Runway entry*=Spoilers and Yes, this will probably be a weekly thing.

So last night's challenge was to design an evening gown for MIss USA, Tara Conner. Another catch was that they were to work in teams of 2. I'm not a huge fan of team challenges, for we only see half of the contestants designs come to fruition, but it makes for interesting banter and Drama.

The look on Kayne's face when they all found out that they were designing for Miss USA was effing priceless! He must have been sooooo excited, afterall pagents are his fucking thing. I was so happy for him! The gown that him and Robert worked on came out really nice; it wasn't some crazy flamingo pink/green sequined atrocity. I was so happy that he won; during the whole challenge, he didn't parade around like Mr. "I know EVERYTHING when it comes to marching these skinny bitches down a pagent runway, so non' ya'll have a DAMN chance winnin' dis!" and it was just so effing appropriate that he wins. If he doesn't come away from PR as the winner, he at least has a really awesome 'resume' booster of designing Miss USA's gown for Miss Universe; his clientele will love that shit. Plus of the night: Robert and Kayne together. LOVE IT & I WANT TO SEE MORE. too cute and funny!

I was sorry to see Malan go. Though that gown looked like some effing hershey kisses melted onto some shorn satin, he was somewhat growing on me. I think it was the sob story about his mother telling him he was worthless when it came to designing. He took his auf'ing very graciously, admitting on the runway that he would have to be the one to go. I hope he succeeds in design in some aspect....maybe Austin Scarlett will adopt him and they can be coutour princesses together...they both LOVE glamour and I'm such AS will love that effing accent.

Jeffrey also didn't annoy me too much. I loved his quip when he remarked his initial reaction to the word pagent, associating it with Jon Benet. Ha. Pagents are redoc. He hates too much though on other people's work. I didn't understand his 'iron warrior princess' whatever look. The one strap just looked as if it was constantly falling off the model's shoulder.

Laura's dress didn't impress me too much either, looked like any typical pagent gown from the past. It wasn't too exciting, but it was dated or ugly. I did like Keith's and Uli's, very modern and flowy....though I didn't picture Keith's in a pagent setting, maybe more like a Red-Carpet dress.

IMO, I think Angela should have gotten the boot. But i think that decision would have been too much based on teamwork vs. design concept. I did not see her lift a finger throughout the whole thing and in the beginning when she was pestering and badgering Kayne?! holy shit, I would have busted that bitch in her mouth. ALSO the way she sat with Tara Conner during the idea pitch was totally unprofessional and amateur. I can't believe she had the nerve, after the way she acted during the pitch, to critique Vincent's dress as "Something I made in college". Well, honey sorry not everyone can have gowns that people mistake for effing YVES SAINT LAURENT. Granted, Vincent is a little crazy ("I need you to stay three feet away from me"? Well, come to think of it if I had country ho bitch Ang telling me that we're running out of time/shit is ugly/ and not supporting my vision- if she had to critique, she should have done it constructively. If there's another team challenge, NO ONE is going to want to work with her) but he was team leader, and I think if anything, they all knew Vincent was crazy, but at least he could sew, and she should have been cooperative in order to counter-act his craziness.

Angela, please pull your fucking head out of the air and realize your bubble skirts are FUG SQUARED. I hate the bubble skirt/riding boot ensembles. She looks like fucking Pippi Longstocking and she should be maimed with a pair of shears. Oouf.

Anyway, I was reading Tim's Take and he noted that many of the designers were short on time. Hmm. One has to wonder how much time they truly have to execute their designs...though they are given '2 days', I'm sure their shit is all over the place- doing their 'confessionals', eating, shopping for their materials, mulling their design over...etc etc. I guess the time constraint is something the 3 (or 4 rather) finalists are really eager to shed for their final collections. Good design comes with time....well, for the most part.

Anyway, I added another 5 movies to my netflix. Today at work I was talking about how I tried arranging my selections by some theme; foreign, by director, actress/actor, style, genre, etc, and how I did an Artist theme; Basquiat, Pollack, and Freida, but instead of pronouncing Pollack as in Jackson Pollack, i said POLL-ACK as in racial slur. Oops my bad! ha. It was sort of funny. I flub things like that all the time. Alas, my first choice will be arrive tomorrow, and maybe during the day on Sunday I will watch it. oouf. At least So You Think You Can Dance is on tonight, though it is not the same watching it by myself, rather than with Miss Emily and Beth @ 110 Louis. Oh, the memories!. ha.

several hours later....I've added 111 titles to my netflix queue. I signed up for the 'one DVD at a time' unlimited. I figure if I at least see 4-5 a month, my ten bucks will be worth it. My first choice is 3 Women, by Robert Altman. I am also planning to keep a journal of every movie I see from now on. HA.

I've been meaning to do this with also all the books I read because I've realized I have a farty memory and my description of books boils down to "It was really good...good ending" and that also translates to movie descriptions, so I guess this is all part of the "Bettering (is that a word?) of C. Rillo" Academic/Intellectual Plan (which is executed along with the 'Bettering of C. Rillo Physical/Appearance/Health/Whatever Else Plan, which might be explained in the future [its me working out, not smoking, and buying clothes every other day oouf])which entails :

• watching more good movies that I've been meaning to see, have been told to see, are favorite movies of friends/crushes/random customers @ the store who insist watching said movie will 'change my life'. However, I haven't added the following out of personal principle: Garden State, Secondhand Lions (Haley Joel Osmet evokes this weird gag reflex), The Sixth Sense (I know the 'big secret' and then I saw Unbreakable, and um HJO is also in it), and The Notebook. All 3 of these titles are in the top 100 of Netflix, btw. Oh, and NO DAVID LYNCH. Holy shit. I HATE DAVID LYNCH (But I might add Eraserhead....wait, I did. oops)
• reading more books and shit. Iwas about to say that I wish they had a system for books like Netflix, but then I was like...oh. THE LIBRARY. dumbshit moment, I apologize. I've reread a favorite classic, The Great Gatsby, which I love (and reminds me I want to add the 70s film adaptation starring Sam Waterson and Robert Redford on my list...) and I want to reread Lord of the Flies (I already added the 60s adapt. of the book. ha). I've been getting into essays and memoirs as of late, but I have a stack of art, fiction, and history books, all refugees from college classes in which I didn't do the reading and impulse purchases at work.
• writing more; zines which, after reading Sedaris Me Talk Pretty One Day and Sarah Vowell's Take the Cannoli, I want to write in essay-form...well most zines are almost like essay anthologies, but I love the idea of themes. so yeah.
• learn more vocabulary: also in preparation for GRE review. Note to self: Buy GRE review book. When does one take that again? oouf
• learn, to, control, use, of, commas...

anyway. BYE.

bladdity blah blah blah. So, my mood has lightened up since yesterday's post. Today I went out with my bro to his school- Raritan Valley Comm. Coll, so he gets use to the commute, and then to Bridgewater Mall, where I bought some shit I really didn't need like body butter and lip liner, but whatever. Oouf. I need to stop spending money! A day doesn't go by, where I don't buy something- coffee, tea, choco-covered graham cracker, cooking magazines, off the shoulder asymmetrical sweaters, etc etc. The maddness must stop! I think I really ought to start crafting so help appease this consuming monster hidden in me. Maybe that's my response mechanism to depression: buy everything I see. Oouf. Lets hope not. I'm going to write out a budget. One would think, after quitting smoking that I could see how much money I'm saving, but I end up spending it anyway. Like on cheese sandwiches. At least that's food...food=need, equals OK. But seriously, I should stop spending so much money. I figure if I hang out a picture of the Ibook i desperately want and need above my nightstand, I will be inspired to not buy that 20 $$ white tea body creme, and instead put that away for a rainy day.

I did the eliptical today again. I'm starting to tire of working out. I mean I do it, but it gets boring. Maybe I should start jogging outside at night, when it's cooler. I went for a walk last night with my mom, pre-storm, and it was nice. We talked about stuff; religion in the Philippines, homoesexuality in the PI, the ending to Picnic at Hanging Rock (P@HR is one of those movies that has an 'open' ending, and my mom can't accept that fact, so we spent like 2 hours talking about what happened. oouf) etc etc. I rounded out the night by watching Dario Argento's wonderful Suspiria...SO GOOD! it's a horror movie, but it's not that scary (to me) because everything is dubbed. The style of the film, however is AMAZING. The use of blue, red, and green remind me of Amelie, the fashion is amazing and inspired me to sketch out my fashion plates if I were to re-do Suspiria, 2k6. But I would never ever think of re-doing that movie...it would be a complete travesty. If you haven't seen it, are a fan of foreign horror movies, go!

I've been thinking about doing Netflix ever since I graduated, now that I have all this time on my hands. There's a bunch of movies I want to see/should see (according to other people) and I haven't gotten the chance to. A lot of them are criterion/foreign and NF has a good selection. There are also some tv shows I want to catch up with /watch (the canceled Life as We Know It, Lost season II when that comes out, Perfect Strangers...is that even out on dvd? well, it should be, etc etc etc). My list begins with Altman's 3 Women, Linklater's Slacker, Gilliham's Brazil, etc etc. Any suggestions? I want to get into movies that are really stylized...after my sketching frenzy during Suspiria, I think I might just do that with other movies I watch. I want to do it for P@HR, Amelie, Mean Girls (that super trendy shit is insane, i heart that movie ha), etc etc.

Now, if my sketches could materialize as clothing. I wish I sewed more proficiently; I'm going to pick up the new Wendy Mullin's sewing book in September (she is the designer of Built by Wendy which I love/can't afford most of the time) and it comes with 3 patterns which are super cute. Part of my wants to start sewing more stuff for myself instead of buying, but sometimes buying clothes is just plain easier. Baby steps, baby steps...

Speaking of sewing clothes, Project Runway is on tonight!! Highlight of the week! I am sad. I'm wondering who is the figure of 'American Royalty'. It better not be anyone Bush related. Maybe it's Jackie O's niece/whatever. I don't know if she's American though (I think maybe Greek) whatever.

I bought my own groceries today: 2 bags of salad, hummus, 3 tomatoes, and a bag of pita. It was like 12 bucks. I'm hoping it'll last me a week. HA. I kind of wish I still smoked (I had the biggest effing erge today to light up) to keep off hunger pangs...also I use to smoke like a mother when I was depressed. Oh well, time to turn to big girl depression tactics like buying 20$ body cream and venti nonfat carm. machiattos.

blah. that's been the word of the day as of late.

adjusting to life after college, after super-awesome-fun vacation, etc has been hard. I'm not one to admit when my feelings have been hurt, when something is wrong, but I've been kind of on the verge of tears almost everyday since I've gotten back from the Philippines, at one point or the other during the day. I haven't given in and cried though, so I try to keep myself occupied by thinking about everything else under the sun, scrambling to find people to surround myself with, just so I don't feel so damn lonely.

BUT, these feelings have been coming in waves. Verge of tears, yes, but then a minute later I'll assure myself that I'll be fine, that I don't need a warm body next to me, that I'm better off single because I need to discover myself, and that stupid bros who don't talk to me after coming back from vacation aren't worth my time. Oouf. I get all "all the women who' independent!" on my self, and then talk some shit, etc etc. It's hard, but I guess I'm doing okay. I could be just burying the feelings I'm really experiencing deeper and deeper.

I have made positive strides post-college though...I quit smoking (i've been smoke-free for a month!!), and I work out for an hour almost everyday. I feel good after pounding out 45 minutes on the eliptical, and hopefully I will lose some of the weight I want to lose, get fit, and be hella hotttt. I'm trying to help my parents out around the house, cleaning and cooking when I can. I'm trying to save money, which isn't working, but I'm thinking about working a crazy schedule, where I will be working 50 hours a week at two jobs, but making enough to support myself while I live at home. We'll see. Hopefully I can pull that off . I'm considering it, not only just for cash money but...because I don't have anything better to do.

I'm ready to meet people/guys, but...where are they? Haha. I hung out with Mike on Friday, and he told me to strive to date every kind of guy possible so I know what I like and what I don't like. If only it were that easy. Ha. My hormones are taking over, and I hope that "date every kind of guy possible" doesn't translate into "become a whore". oouf. He also said to make up some rules and adhere to them. Perhaps Rule #1 will be: Just Say No to Bros. Oouf. But they're kind of cute. oouf, there I said it.

I'm hoping to be more creative too, soon. I'm planning to start my zine today...plans fell through, and hopefully my day off won't be wasted away by an errend trip to Target, and then sitting on my ass, watching Picnic at Hanging Rock for the umpteenth time. We'll see.

*warning, Project Runway Spoilers Ahead*

Yes, yes, yes! When I found out that PR was going to do a 3rd season this early, of course I was so excited. So, last night was the big premiere, and I plopped my big ole butt from 9 (for the preshow) to 11, and tuned in for all the cutting, bitchiness, fabric, design, and overall fabulous-ness in what looks like a promising season.

I don't know what the allure of PR is...I'm not a huge fan of reality tv, only really as a guilty-pleasure, toungue in cheek if you will kind of enjoyment. I guess because it has to do with Fashion, and I LOVE clothes and design. Afterall, ever since I was a younger I was always sewing, drawing, and even considered going into fashion. Alas, I passed on the opp. to go FIT, but I don't regret that one bit. I've realized I'm more of a crafter than a sewer, but I do want to start making more clothes; to sell and for myself. Simple, cute stuff...nothing Couture or crazy chic. I do appreciate good clothes, and now that I am getting older, I've realized that when I do have to buy clothes, I should make better decisions and pick pieces that are classic, grown-up, and aren't graphic tee shirts from delias. oouf, I really ought to stop buying so many tee shirts, period. But yeah....I think I appreciate both mainstream fashion, stuff you see in Lucky and Shop Etc and what not, but also DIY because that's the stuff I like to do. I think it all just falls under; Christine likes clothes, shoes, accessories, and ummm whatever.

So, I'm pretty excited about Season 3. I've forgotten how longer the runway shows are , because there are still so many contestants. I think the design aesthetic and skill is a nice range, as well as the degrees of douchebagery that has already been displayed on last night's show. Looking at the promo for the rest of the season, promises a lot of drama (there seems to be a lot of bickering this Season, and among more people than letsay the typical 2-3). They didn't show any teasers of any future challenges; I hope they are just as fun and creative as they have been in the past....my favorite part of the show is seeing the process of creation...it makes me become more inspired and itching to craft or create something.

I haven't pinned down the contestants names just yet. Stacey was the first one to be au'fed last night. I agreed with the decision, even though Vincent's piece was kind of fugg (that DAMN HAT!) but I understand he has more of visionary appeal, and lets hope the rest of his pieces aren't as dumb as that number. Stacey couldn't sew to save her life, and it was good to see that a potential Marla from Season 2 was auf'd (how frustrating is it to be another contestant on the show and having to tutor your competitor?!) early enough. Her design had potential but somewhat too simple. Student-y, as Michael Kors or Tim Gunn would reply, I think.

My favorites so far (personality and design wise) are Bradley Baumkirkner (i LOVED his bio video, and the clothes featured in it...AND his sketches...how effing cute!), Keith Michaels (he looks like he's going to be a big asshole, but i hearted that dress and was so glad he won), Robert Best (anyone who designs for Barbie is AWESOME), Bonnie (she's so cute. there's something about her), Laura (she exudes classiness, reminds me of chanel), Alison (her voice is kind of annoying, but i really liked her piece and her video bio), Kayne (HELLO, he owns a pagent gown store. Those fucking gays, I love em).

Michael, Angela, KAtherine, Uli, and Vincent (who is a little nuts, I think) I'm interested in, but I can't call them favorites yet. However, Jeffrey and Malan are already earning points in my tick-o-meter...Firstoff, Jeffrey has that dumb douchebag "I design for rockstars, and I'm fucking hardcore awesome, hello, look at my neck tattoo!!!" thing about him. The shit he made looks like shit you can get at Hot Topic, and the piece he made last night was a train-wreck! Deconstruction, bullshit...it looked like he doused his model in auto-car rags. Also, his "sick neck-tatt" makes his neck look super wide, and his head look itty-bitty. I can't look at him when he does his confessionals. oouf.

Malan, I don't think it's a problem with his designs, he made something nice last night. BUT that accent and his laugh!!! ouff...I thought i would enjoy the british-whatever the fuck that is, but it's already annoying! haha. Well, I think it's his laugh more so than his speaking voice, and also his posture. He did not stand up straight the entire show! He's going to develop that damn, Watson-Butler kind of posture...to match his accent.

I am curious what they are going to do about models. I liked the process they had Season 1, where the winner got the first pick ,and then everyone else picked randomly. Last Season, they didn't have immunity for the winner, and most of the designers stuck with the models they had from the beginning, which is understandble, because you get to learn their body, measurements, walks, etc etc. Maybe they will do a mix of immunity and non-immunity...I remember reading a discussion on televisionwithoutpity.com boards about how the lack of immunity seem to not have the designers work to their ultimate potential-like most of the time in Season 2, some designers (ahem, Marla, ahem)where just pumping out a 'good-enough' garment, in hopes they wouldn't get eliminated. If they were truly passionate about design, they should be taking the opportunity to explore their aesethtic, or tweak it. Lets hope there are plenty of delicious pieces made this season...Hump Days now have a reason for existance.

Contestants/potential-contestants used the words 'passion' and 'fashion' way too many times for my liking. Lets work on that, okay?

so, I go back to work tomorrow at the bookstore. Oouf. I'm dreading it already. I talked to one of my friends last night and he said that there are a bunch of new people and a lot of people have left, and etc etc. Whatever. Hopefully in a couple of months, I will have a new, awesom-er job, and be legitimate about things. We can hope.

I'm not up for writing today. Ever since I've gotten back, I've been battling feelings of lonliness; in every facet and form. I miss my grandparents and being with them everyday. I miss being out of college, out of Louis St, out of New Brunswick (god forbid), and having my friends nearby. I miss being in a relationship, but on the other hand I'm looking foward to going out and meeting other guys and having fun, and having crushes (though I've been out of the game for a while, and relearning all this bullshit with guys/how they act is frustrating). I've been filling the void by going shopping and to target, and looking over pics from school and my trip. Hopefully, this too will pass; my megha is coming home next week, I'm making plans to hang out with friends, etc etc.

In other news, hopefully next week I will start setting up my crafting space and start being creative again. I'm kind of missing it, and maybe it will help me get over this post-collegiate slump.

I'm kind of in the need for hugs and a cuddlefest with friends.

Here is a link to some pics from my trip:

http://rutgers.facebook.com/photos.php?id=8812549&l=67a56

Enjoy!

So, I'm home now. Jet lag hasn't yet taken ahold of me; I got home 330 pm Monday, July 3rd, but left 630 am PI time July 3rd, so time has been a little tricky. But I did get a lot of sleep last night, so I should be okay for the day.

It's weird to be back home...in the past week or so I'd really adjusted to living in the PI. Or rather, living rich in the PI, as if you have any sort of money (if you can afford to go the PI for vacation, most of the time you can afford luxuries there) I had people driving me places, cooking, cleaning, etc for me. Oh well, back to the daily grind of things! Luckily, I haven't brought back the habit of over-indulgance food-wise, so it'll be back to veggie burgers, avacado sandwiches, and yoghurt (oh man I missed it so much over there!).

When I left my grandparents, I cried like a child at the airport, and I couldn't stop the tears. I miss them so much already.

Instead of blogging my entire trip, I've decided to make my trip issue 2 of Ratti Pillo, so hpefully I will be starting that next week. It'll prob be 2-3 $$, let me know if you're interested.

Time for bbq action. Happy Fourth!

haha. I'm in the Philippines, in an internet cafe, checking my email, myspace, and blog. Oouf, what a loser! plus I'm in beautiful Boracay, and here I am inside. It's hella hot though!!! oh man. I've gotten so dark and crispy. The beaches are beautiful and it's a pretty happening place. I've gotten lots of bugbites and I've been eating a LOT of yummy PI food: rice, fried chicken, pancit, fish, calamari, squid, shakeys, chow king, and ube ice cream. I have to go on major detox when I get back.

It's costing me 50 cents to do this, so I probably won't be able to update until I get back. Bye bye!